how to slow down, like right now
Do you feel like you are in a place where you are so busy that you don’t even have time for YOURSELF? (And let’s not talk about quality alone time with your partner - ain’t nobody got time for that). And you certainly don’t have time for enough sleep or decent food or “proper” house cleaning.
I know you are in the middle of the fourth tantrum, and the garbage needs to go out and you’re getting close to the dinner time h-anger-ies.
So, I ask you, are you getting down to play on the floor? Did you snuggle (without the seething resentment)? Did you remember to sing today? Were you moving about your day with presence, did you remember to be mindful? Did you check in with your feelings? Did you experience the confidence of your authentic voice? Did you make time to maintain your relationship with self? Are you making time for your inner most desires?
♥ YOU ARE NOT ALONE ♥
For a long time I, too, was content being on productive auto-pilot. Sleep, eat, work, work, work, eat, sleep, repeat. For as long as I can remember I have been go-go-go. My mind and body rarely in the same place at the same time - always thinking of the next thing.
keep reading for a true story about mothering with presence or you can skip right down to the actionable steps (the real reason why you are here)
I’m an enneagram type 3, so productivity comes easily to me. Friends often comment how productive I am and how I “do” more than they ever could. When leaving my last two jobs (before my private practice), both of my employers hired two employees to replace me. Two full time humans to replace this one human. To say that I’m hyper-efficent+productive is a bit of an understatement. I do enjoy my work, I enjoy solving problems, I enjoy organization AND I do enjoy being busy and having things to do, but I was also missing out on every day moments (and headed straight for burn out city). While on some level being an over-doer was hugely satisfying and productive AF, honestly, there was no way I could sustain that high level of achiever mentality. I realized at some point that all of these self-expectations were coming from my own self-talk (oh, hello there inner critic). No one was actually telling me to be this efficient, productive and selfless. These messages were coming from deep within my soul, my inner child was screaming for control, productivity (ahem, worthiness) and boundaries.
The catalyst to my presence and slowing down: becoming a mother. I quickly realized that I had to slow down, and that no one was going to do it for me. I had to do the inner work. I had to want to. AND, honestly I needed to. I chose to be self-employed in order to be with my kids more. To give them the invaluable gift of my proximity and presence, but I couldn’t get there in my mind. My body was there but my mind was three weeks out. My left brain was in charge of my mothering and I have since learned how to let my right brain have the mic every once and a while.
but I can’t be present while being productive… can I? yes, yes you can, actually presence is the key to your productivity.
presence is your super power, mama.
You don’t have to like playing with your kids. My bets are that you want to sometimes, but can’t. Something is in the way. And it’s your ability (or inability) to be present.
five ways you can start living in the NOW, like, right NOW
STOP IT, JUST STOP IT
Drop in and stop. Right now. As you are reading this. Stop. Close your eyes and stop everything else. Allow your mind and body to be in the same space at the same time. So often we are busy looking ahead we forget to just be. This can be scary, you might be wondering, but Kayla, how do I actually do this, my mind isn’t a very friendly place right now. Remind yourself that you are safe, literally say, “I am safe” until you feel your body soften. (Also, more on the how to of this in a future article)
Ask yourself: What do I need? What does my inner child need? What needs are unmet? How am I being kind (or unkind) to myself and others?PAUSE
There are many ways you can take pause in your life. You can physically, mentally, emotionally, and intentionally take a pause. Maybe your pause looks like a walk around the block, 60 seconds with your eyes closed, exercising, doing art, journaling, or a simple 5 min tech-free coffee break. The most important part of a pause is that you are creating a single moment to stop the inner chatter and check in with yourself.JOURNAL
You don’t have to give up your productivity to be present (say what??). Tap into that present mindset with journaling. Once a day, put down your phone and write in your journal with your favourite pen. Create the time in your day and reflect. Write just one single line. Write three pages. Write everything that happened that day. Write anything and everything that you have time for (PS> you have the damn time). Doing this will bring greater clarity, it will allow new thoughts to form and more importantly when you create the time, you are saying YES to you and honouring your needs (hello patience and goodbye mom rage and burn out).DANCE
Does this really need any explanation? Dancing helps you in so many ways. Physically and mentally, dancing improves your general well-being, boosts your self-esteem and has also been shown to improve your social skills. So, dance. The wilder the better.TAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK
Check your screen time habits, like, right now, go to the screen time tracker on your phone. How much time are you spending with your face in front of your screen? The time you’re spending on your phone could be time you use to play, journal, read, art, meditate, walk, dance, connect with a loved one, anything! After reading this article, go to your calendar and SCHEDULE in a social media detox and spend that day or week doing something that nourishes you.
“If you hit a wall, climb over it, crawl under it, or dance on top of it.” - Unknown
Out of all these options, I personally find the biggest release of my physical and emotional tensions comes from dancing and journaling. These are such powerful resources (and they are free).
PS> Social workers, psychologists and life coaches agree.
To keep moving forward, you occasionally have to slow down. If you have been triggered by any of this with inner messages of “I don’t have time,” “If my kids would just leave me alone,” and/or “It’s just easier if I do all the things.” I really urge you to look inside yourself and ask yourself, what is the barrier to you receiving and feeling your own love and kindness? If your inner critic so loud that you can’t / won’t allow yourself the time to just be, this is a HUGE sign to slow down. Mama, what would it take for you to feel safe in slowing down?
You have a choice - keep going at this (unsustainable) pace or slow down, breathe and embrace what is. Don’t wait for tomorrow, or “when things slow down,” (PS> They don’t. EVER) or after you clean the kitchen or this next weeks big project, or whatever other excuses you are making.
The key to productivity isn’t in your to-do list, or in your next Pinterest mom hack, or a notification on your phone - it’s in being present. Now.
Tell your inner critic to shut-the-hell-up and embrace TODAY and this moment.
Until next time,
Kayla
What if you could find yourself (again) through mindful creativity? I, Kayla Huszar, support women (just like you) through pregnancy, postpartum and motherhood with 1:1, groups and workshops rooted in body-centred expressive art therapy.
