56. The Hidden Layers of Motherhood: Grief, Guilt and Shame
Stop Carrying the Weight: How to Release Mom Guilt and Reclaim You
Motherhood is supposed to be magical, right? Yet, why does it sometimes feel like a never-ending battle with guilt, shame, and those heavy emotions we don’t always talk about—grief? It turns out grief isn't just about loss in the traditional sense. It’s about the tiny moments that slip through our fingers and the silent mourning that comes with raising kids in a world full of unrealistic expectations. It’s the hidden layers of motherhood that we can all struggle with.
In this episode, we tackle how that grief can lead to guilt and shame, and how recognizing these feelings can help you process them. We share practical tools for navigating your emotions, like journaling, movement, and simply giving yourself permission to feel.
Motherhood comes with a side of grief that many of us don’t talk about—grief over time lost, unmet expectations, and changes we didn’t see coming.
If you've ever felt like motherhood was more about surviving than thriving, this episode is for you.
In this episode of Chill Like a Mother, I sit down with the insightful Tara Duckworth to dive deep into the emotional trio that haunts moms—grief, guilt, and shame. We explore how these emotions sneak into our motherhood journeys, how they show up in our bodies, and, most importantly, how we can give ourselves permission to feel without letting them consume us.
Motherhood is a rollercoaster, and if you’re like most modern moms, you probably didn’t expect to be wrestling with so much guilt and shame along the way. But grief—the kind that doesn’t always look like loss but feels like it—can often be the root of these feelings.
Tara and I unpack how grief shows up in motherhood, sometimes in the form of missing the freedom we once had or watching our kids grow up faster than we can process. Grief can also manifest in the physical tension we carry—those tight shoulders, aching backs, and headaches that remind us we’ve been holding on to more than we realize.
Recognizing grief is the first step toward lightening the emotional load. Tara shares her journey of being afraid of her own grief, a feeling many of us can relate to. Once she was able to name it, the feelings didn’t magically disappear, but they began to move. And when emotions move, they shift, becoming more manageable over time.
How-To #1: Name It to Tame It
We’ve all heard that naming your emotions can help make them feel less overwhelming, but how often do we actually do it? Take five minutes to jot down what you're grieving today. It might be the loss of free time, the rapid pace of your kids’ growth, or the unmet expectations of motherhood. Be honest and specific—this isn’t about judgment, it’s about giving those feelings a voice.
Naming your grief won’t solve everything, but it will help you begin the process of understanding and, ultimately, healing.
How-To #2: Move Your Emotions
Grief and stress don’t just live in our minds—they settle into our bodies too. If you feel like your emotions are stuck, try moving. This doesn’t mean hitting the gym for an intense workout (unless that’s your thing); it could be a simple walk, a mini dance session in the kitchen, or stretching. Moving helps to physically release the tension and emotions that have been building up.
Motherhood: A Journey to Finding Yourself
Motherhood isn’t just about taking care of your kids—it’s about rediscovering who you are while you’re at it. As Tara and I discuss in this episode, the weight of expectations, guilt, and shame can easily cloud that self-discovery. But giving ourselves permission to feel, even when it’s uncomfortable, opens the door to understanding our own emotional landscapes.
Sharing your feelings—whether with a trusted friend, a therapist, or through creative outlets like journaling—can be powerful. It’s a reminder that you’re not alone in your experiences and that vulnerability leads to connection.
Navigating grief, guilt, and shame in motherhood is an ongoing process. By acknowledging these feelings and creating space to explore them, we allow ourselves to heal. The next time you feel overwhelmed by emotions, take a breath and remember: permission to feel is your path to emotional freedom and there are many hidden layers of motherhood.
About the Chill Like a Mother Guests:
I’m Tara, and through my work as a certified Youth Care Worker and Holistic Life Coach, Life Skills Counsellor and a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor I bring a holistic and gentle approach to the table through my storytelling and compassionate manner.
I am especially passionate about empowering moms. Having 2 kids of my own, I understand the struggle. Having to renegotiate my relationship as a Mother as my children went through their own struggles was one of the most difficult life stages I have ever navigated. Now with my children ages 24 and 9, it is my mission to walk alongside parents as well as children & teens as they navigate their path through these pivotal years.
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