How do pregnant moms avoid newborn sleep deprivation? With a plan!
Newborn sleep is often drastically underestimated in pregnancy and overly stressful in the fourth trimester.
I hear from my fourth trimester clients that navigating newborn sleep is challenging and blindsides them. And while that is absolutely true, infant sleep must be surrendered to. You cannot control much your baby sleeps, but you can control how you respond to it and set yourself up for healthy sleep hygiene. Far too many mothers regret their decisions while in utter sleep deprivation. And I don't want that for you.
Newborn sleep is a crucial aspect of early childhood development. During the newborn phase, infants spend most of their day and night sleeping, which allows their bodies and brains to grow and develop. And they wake to eat and stay alive (night waking is a survival mechanism).
TL;DR: This blog stresses the importance of prioritizing newborn sleep for early childhood development and parental well-being and recommends creating a sleep plan, understanding safe sleep options, and monitoring sleep patterns. It also emphasizes the risks of sleep deprivation and the need for partner support. Kayla Huszar shares a personal story and provides a step-by-step guide for creating a postpartum plan.
Prioritize these TWO ELEMENTS of your pregnancy preparations:
Create a plan to prevent and respond to sleep and possible deprivation
Understand the importance of newborn sleep and how it impacts well-being.
By prioritizing sleep hygiene for everyone early on, you will create a strong foundation for relationship teamwork, attachment, and realistic expectations so that y'all feel chill in life with a newborn.
As the pregnant person reading this, you can hope not to have to deal with sleep deprivation or prepare your family by:
Not taking responsibility for your partner's sleep deprivation; you are both working (stop dismissing the daytime work of caring for a baby) in the morning, and you both have a responsibility for nighttime parenting.
Providing a safe sleep environment; research safe bed sharing and co-sleeping options; infant sleep is not exclusive to cribs and bassinets (more resources below).
Monitoring your sleep patterns to ensure you are getting enough rest; which might include reducing screen time and responding to anxieties instead of avoiding them.
By prioritizing your baby's sleep needs and not trying to control them while creating self-discipline, you can surrender to reality, which sets you up for future success.
P.S. It irks me that you are here (and your partner is playing video games) and you are the one to prepare for your baby. I hope you and your partner can create some mental load equality in life after pregnancy.
Having a plan for newborn sleep is important because:
Sleep deprivation is a risk factor for the development of perinatal depression and anxiety.
Sleep training can disrupt your infant's nervous system and your milk supply (if applicable).
Sleep IS NOT the birthing person's sole responsibility and the partner is expected to step up.
If you don't prepare in these ways, you run the risk of experiencing sleep distress and deprivation during the fourth trimester and beyond.
When birthing people feel supported by their partners in sleep, they are less likely to sleep train, experience parent burnout and develop a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder.
Personal story from a therapist for moms:
I was four months postpartum, and on one unforgettable night the anxiety told me not to feed my baby.
After all, he shouldn't be hungry, he woke up 90 minutes ago. The postpartum anxiety also told to not get up and comfort him because he should be sleeping and able to "self-soothe by now." With my husband's immediate support, I fed him and I went back to sleep while he rocked my baby to sleep.
I was hyper-fixating on sleep and asking google “can you die from sleep deprivation?” aka, researching all things to help me sleep, but really all I was seeing was sleep training guides because google search pinged me there Every. Time.
I was so desperate for sleep I honestly thought sleep training was my only option. None of my extensive searches even mentioned co-sleeping as a safe option or that anxiety could be the root of my behaviours.
My baby wasn't the problem though my anxiety convinced me otherwise. My anxious brain also told me it was my fault for not being a good enough mother. I was also taking on too much responsibility by shielding my partner from nighttime parenting (classic gatekeeping move). I was doing 80% of the hard work (and not because he didn't want to because I assumed FULL responsibility).
I didn't know it then, but I was experiencing perinatal OCD, anxiety and hyper vigilance.
I've worked through this in my own therapy; I'm not sharing this with you from a place of distress but healing.
I don't want this for you; I truly understand how a postpartum mom ends up here AND how to prevent it from happening. Honestly, I regret my reaction to newborn sleep as do many of my perinatal clients.
I've helped hundreds of birthing people like you put these postpartum plans into action before the baby arrives, and their postpartum is more chill and less anxious.
For a step-by-step guide to creating your postpartum plan, click the link below.
