Real-life Tools for Navigating Parenthood with Neurodivergent Kids
Some days, things flow pretty well. We build support systems, routines, and try endless tools, all aimed at emotional regulation and structure.
We read, we research, we dig up every resource we can find because we’re in it for them. And often, it works—until it doesn’t.
When we become parents, we don’t usually expect neurodiversity—unless we’ve lived with it ourselves. Even then, we might still hope it’s a gene we won’t pass on. Yet here I am, late-diagnosed ADHD at 35, my husband at the same age, now navigating parenting a child with the same neurodivergent spark. It’s nothing like I’d imagined, and it can surprise you at the weirdest times. Building practical tools and strategies to navigate parenthood with neurodivergent kids can feel like a constant balancing act.
You learn to read the warning signs. For us, that means animal noises, word repetition, and a spiraling mix of emotions that feel impossible to untangle. It’s this sixth sense parents develop—the one where you just know a dysregulated storm is coming.
If you’ve been through it enough times, you can almost feel it in the air. They might go non-verbal, make repetitive sounds, or communicate through grunts and gestures. These cues are unique to each child, but if you’re raising a neurodivergent child, you know what I mean.
Then there are the days you’re hoping will just go smoothly. The holidays, birthdays, family vacations, the days we want it to be “good.” That’s when dysregulation often arrives without warning.
It’s frustrating because, after a long stretch of calm, these moments make you feel like you’re making no progress at all. You start questioning your choices, wondering if you’re “doing it right.” Because when you’re parenting a neurodivergent, highly sensitive, wild, free-spirited, or inflexible child, life can feel like a constant shift between managing and misunderstanding. And that’s hard.
I remember one Christmas when my oldest was in his first couple of years of school. We had a big meltdown moment before a Christmas concert he didn’t want to attend. Eventually, he calmed, and we went. It ended up being wonderful, one of those “worth it” moments that sometimes come after a challenge. But the next morning, I could feel it building up again.
It’s one of those things that’s hard to describe, but if you know, you know. You can sense something’s about to bubble over. And this time, I could feel it happening before it even started. As soon as we began getting ready to leave, he started showing those signs, and I realized we were headed down a familiar path. He had been trying so hard to do well the day before that the next day was an emotional hangover.
Honestly? I didn’t handle it all well. They say we only need to get it right 30% of the time to raise well-adjusted kids—whatever that means.
But in these moments, I’m faced with a choice: do I slow down, let him process, or set a boundary? The internet tells you one thing, the therapists another, and in the middle, you’re just a parent, hoping for the “right” call for your kid. For my son, sometimes the boundary is what’s needed. It’s “here’s a piece of gum, chew it to help regulate, we’re getting in the car, and we’ll talk about the feelings later.”
This is where parenting can get really confusing. Not everyone agrees on boundaries or parenting choices. But I chose the boundary that day because I know, from my own experience, that sometimes you can’t wait for things to feel right. After, when we did have a chance to talk, he told me it was the noise in his head, overwhelming him to the point he didn’t know what to do. That feeling is real for him. I know that because I’ve lived it too, and I’m proud of the kind but firm, messy, not-perfect response I had in this moment.
Parenting neurodiverse children is complex, anguishing, beautiful, and hard as hell. Neurodivergent kids don’t fit into traditional parenting approaches, which can leave you constantly second-guessing yourself. And that’s where a lot of misconceptions arise.
There’s still so much misunderstanding around ADHD and neurodiversity—how it shows up differently in each kid, each stage of life, and how it can vary widely across genders. My experience is far from universal, but it’s real, and it’s a reminder that we’re all learning as we go.
If you’re also navigating this road—diagnosed or undiagnosed, knowing or unknown—I see you. You’re allowed to feel everything that comes with it. And I want to encourage you: find the support you need. Because there are still so many misconceptions about ADHD and neurodiversity, especially in parenting.
If only one of you can get support, let it be you, the parent. Your child’s therapy gives them tools, but it’s you who has to hold the space, manage the tough-as-hell moments, and process the stuff no one else even sees. Mental health support shouldn’t be any less routine than going to the dentist. And if you have a wild, spirited, inflexible, or high-energy child, find your support person. Parenting is tough, but parenthood with neurodivergent kids adds layers that most people never have to think about.
Your feelings are real, and so are you. It’s okay to get frustrated, to need help, and to sometimes miss the mark. There’s no one-size-fits-all here, and even on the messiest of days, remember—you’re doing so much more than you know.
If you’re navigating the rollercoaster of parenting a sensitive, spirited, or neurodiverse child, you don’t have to do it alone.
Join me for Mellow the Meltdown, a 5-part series designed just for parents like us. Together, we’ll dive into understanding tantrums vs. meltdowns, mastering emotional regulation, building self-compassion, and supporting your child through their biggest feelings—all while letting go of the pressure to be a “perfect” parent.
For moms raising spirited, wild and/or highly sensitive children and want to coregulate and support them.
Ready to find your calm?
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This information is for educational purposes only. Kayla cannot provide personalized advice or recommendations for your unique situation or circumstances. Therefore, nothing on this page or website should replace therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. If you require such services, please consult with a medical or therapeutic provider to determine what's best for you. Kayla cannot be held responsible for your use of this website or its contents. Please never disregard or delay seeking medical or therapeutic treatment because of something you read or accessed through this website.
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