64. Ditching Perfectionism in Parenthood: How to Be Real (Not Just “Good”)
Let’s talk about perfectionism - because if there’s one thing moms can accidentally become experts in, it’s trying to do everything just right.
We’re the ones filling the cupboards, remembering the class snack and the exact location of everyone’s missing socks, all while holding ourselves to completely unrealistic expectations. Fun, right?
But here’s the kicker: Perfectionism in motherhood isn’t just exhausting - it’s actually messing with us and our kids.
In this episode of the podcast, I chat with the brilliant Christina Corcoran - a writer, mom of two, and recovering perfectionist. She shares a pivotal moment at a parent meeting (trust me, you’ll feel this one) that made her realize how her perfectionism was shaping her relationship with her kids in ways she didn’t intend.
This conversation is your permission slip to drop the impossible standards, swap perfection for self-compassion, and embrace the glorious, ridiculous mess that is parenting. Because at the end of the day, your kids don’t need a perfect mom - they just need you.
TL;DR: Perfectionism in motherhood?
Total trap. It drains your energy, messes with your mental health, and (plot twist) doesn’t actually make you a better mom. In this episode, Christina Corcoran gets real about how she ditched the perfectionism spiral with self-awareness and self-compassion. We’re breaking down how you can stop chasing impossible standards and start focusing on what actually matters - being present, being real, and maybe even enjoying the chaos a little.
Breaking the Perfectionist Cycle: Christina’s Wake-Up Call
Christina had one of those moments - the kind that shakes you awake in a way you can’t ignore. She was deep in the perfectionist cycle, checking all the boxes, convinced she was doing everything right. But then, in the middle of a parent meeting, something happened that stopped her cold. In that moment, she realized her perfectionism wasn’t just hurting her - it was spilling over to her kids, especially her eldest daughter.
Cue the mom gut punch.
If you’ve ever felt like you were failing as a parent because of impossible expectations (hi, welcome to the club), you know how quickly that pressure turns inward. The shame piles on, and suddenly, talking about it feels impossible. But what if the goal wasn’t perfection? What if the best thing you could do for your kids - and yourself - was to drop the unrealistic standards and just be human?
Christina’s story is a raw and relatable reminder that when we mess up (because we will), the answer isn’t to shut down - it’s to lean in. As she puts it, “Kids need to see us navigating overwhelm. They need to witness honesty, not perfection.”
Bottom line? Our kids don’t need flawless moms. They need real ones.
2 Practical Ways to Ditch Perfectionism and Embrace Self-Compassion As a Mom
Stuck in that perfectionist spiral? Let’s talk about actually breaking free - without just telling yourself to “chill” (because, let’s be honest, that never works). Here are two ways Christina practices self-compassion* in her life—and how you can too:
The Three A’s of Change
Christina swears The Three A’s: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.First, awareness - start noticing when perfectionism sneaks in (spoiler: it’s probably more often than you think).
Then, acceptance - because being imperfect isn’t just okay, it’s human.
Finally, action - small, intentional shifts that move you from “I must do this perfectly” to “What actually matters for my family?”
Embrace Your Messy Self
What if you only had to get it right 30% of the time? No, really. Research says parents don’t need to be perfect 100% of the time for their kids to turn out okay. In fact, hitting the mark just 30% of the time is enough. So what does “getting it right” even mean? It’s not about meeting every expectation - it’s about parenting from your core values, not what society says you should be doing. If that means skipping five extracurriculars in favor of family movie nights? That’s your right choice. The goal isn’t to check all the boxes—it’s to honor what actually feels good in your life.* Self-compassion concept credit: Kristen Neff
Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
Here’s the deal: Perfectionism in parenting is a scam. If you’ve been feeling like you’re failing because you can’t do it all (or do it flawlessly), you’re not alone. And even better? You don’t have to keep playing that game.
When you embrace self-compassion, get real with your kids about the hard stuff, and focus on what actually matters to you (not what the internet moms are doing), you start to break the perfectionist cycle. And that’s where things get lighter.
Christina’s story is proof that letting go of impossible standards can transform not just your mindset, but your whole family dynamic. And if this resonated with you, keep an eye out for her upcoming book - it’s packed with even more insights on ditching perfectionism and parenting in a way that actually feels good.
So go ahead - give yourself permission to be a gloriously imperfect human. That’s where the real connection, joy, and magic happen.
But It’s Not Always That Easy Being Authentic, Amiright?
If letting go of perfectionism were as simple as just deciding to, we’d all be chilling with our feet up, stress-free. But real talk? It takes practice, self-compassion, and a whole lot of unlearning.
If you’re ready to start ditching the impossible standards and embracing a version of motherhood that actually feels good (not just looks good on paper), check out Motherload - because you don’t have to figure this all out alone.
And as always, I’d love to hear what resonated with you. Message me your thoughts, and let’s keep this conversation going. You’re not alone in this messy, beautiful, chaotic-in-the-best-way journey. 💛
Chill Like a Mother Podcast Guest:
Christina has always had a passion for research and writing.
In junior college she took every psychology class offered, then at The University of Missouri she studied journalism before moving to the field of sociology.
While working in the government sector, she kept her creative spirit alive through blogging and personal memoirs. After becoming a mom, she decided to stay home full time. As we all know, children are little mirrors of ourselves and after seeing her daughter struggle with perfectionism she couldn't deny the power this trait had on her family and so many others. She's currently working on a book to help parents identify this trait early and learn how to model self-compassion. She resides in Saint Louis with her two daughters, husband, and puppy.
Follow Kayla on her Instagram account @kayla.huszar
Click here, I'd love it if you could do a solid and leave a review under the Ratings and Reviews section. A 5-star rating would be amazing, and if you're feeling wordy, let me know what you love about the show! Your support means everything to me, thank you so much!
Disclaimer: This site contains some affiliate links. I get a little moola in exchange for creating this content and you get cool book and product recommendations at no extra cost to you!
This information is for educational purposes only. Kayla cannot provide personalized advice or recommendations for your unique situation or circumstances. Therefore, nothing on this page or website should replace therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. If you require such services, please consult with a medical or therapeutic provider to determine what's best for you. Kayla cannot be held responsible for your use of this website or its contents. Please never disregard or delay seeking medical or therapeutic treatment because of something you read or accessed through this website.
© 2024 Kayla Huszar - All Rights Reserved.
