This is Why Self-Care Isn’t Changing Your Frustrations, Mama
As moms, we need to talk about the things we try to ignore after the holidays.
You know, when everything’s technically "fine," but you're secretly holding your breath just trying to get through the day?
I don’t know about you, but my kiddos went back to school yesterday and it was a deep breath moment for me.
What I really want to know is, what’s still hanging over you from the holidays? The one thing that’s bugging you more than you want to admit?
That thing that’s still bugging you, weeks later
Those “Wait, did that actually just happen?” moment
Sneaky bathroom breaks for some silent screaming
The "I can’t believe that happened / was said” dinner table conversations
The epic meltdowns (yours or theirs - no judgment here)
Or just the whole "This wasn’t what I pictured, but I’m trying to make it work" vibe?
Can we take a second to acknowledge how things can feel fine, but underneath the frustrations are festering?
This year was the first time my husband and I were apart for Christmas - he’s always been a shift worker, so there’s always been a level of festive flexibility and nonnegotiables AND a lot of back-and-forth with the schedules, gender roles, and all the regular holiday BS.
Christmas was…different. We had to make it work, but let’s just say, it was a flexible version. We spent Christmas early with my mom - because of the weather and hubs schedule - and then we did our little family Christmas before actual C-day.
Then, it was me and the kids over at my in-laws’ - first time ever waking up there on Christmas Day - and then I spent time with friends for the rest of the week to kill time with the kiddos and no school and no childcare. My husband came back just in time for New Year’s Eve. And all I wanted to do was spend time with him.
So yeah, this year I had to manage some frustrations and disappointment - not just from others, but from myself. It was just... a lot. I even developed a stress eye twitch at the beginning of Dec.
The one thing that kept me grounded, though? Creativity. It keeps me from losing my mind and gives me space to figure out what I needed and a plan to honor it.
And the big, festering question I keep coming back to: How do I make peace with something that wasn’t really okay but was necessary and non-negotiable?
I couldn’t change my husband’s schedule - but I could choose how I responded to it.
In case you’re new here… I’m Kayla, a Registered Social Worker and Expressive Arts Therapist, and I work with moms just like you—busy, overwhelmed, but craving a way back to themselves.
In my Motherload Membership (opening again in February 2025), I’m building a space for you to rediscover your identity beyond just being a mom.
I’ve got the ADHD, and I’m re-re-discovering how to not be a people-pleaser again at this stage of life. I’m all about giving you the tools to tap into creativity as a survival tool, and guess what? It’s about reclaiming YOU.
The Art of Motherhood: When will it get easier?
I’m coming up on 10 years of motherhood, and here’s what I’ve learned: it doesn’t get easier (per say) - but I’ve gotten better at riding the waves and responding to the transitions. The hard moments? They’re still hard, just as they were on day six.
Some days, I show up with heart-bursting love, ready to embrace it all. Other days, it’s a messy mix of rage, anxiety, frustration, and insecurity. If I’m being real, most days, I’m just treading water while my own needs hang out in timeout - kind of like that one sock that always disappears in the dryer.
If you’re feeling like the version of you before kids is missing, lost, or stuck somewhere - I hear you. Trust me, though, she’s still in there, buried under piles of laundry and endless snack requests. She’s just waiting for you to notice her.
The truth is...
That frustration you feel? It’s telling you something. It’s saying: “I need more support, more help, more recognition, more space to breathe.”
And while some things in life might be non-negotiable—like schedules we can’t control, or seasons of survival - it doesn’t mean your needs are negotiable.
They’re just as real and valid as anyone else’s.
Motherhood is messy, but that mess doesn’t define you. You’re allowed to take up space in your own life, to ask for more, to choose how you respond to the chaos.
When Motherhood Feels Frustrating and Hard
You’ve seen it all before - the same self-care advice: bubble baths, face masks, and perfectly curated Instagram moments.
But real self-care? It’s not about aesthetics. It’s about listening - to your frustrations, your needs, and what’s bubbling beneath the surface, even in the messiest, most chaotic parts of your day.
If self-care were a recipe, it wouldn’t be all spa days and scented candles. It’d be 70% serotonin (connection, creativity, calm) and 30% dopamine (joy, energy, motivation). Here’s the breakdown:
DOPAMINE - The Quick Fix (but it doesn’t last):
Netflix binges
Scrolling social media
Coffee
Retail therapy (hello, sales!)
Wine or... other indulgences
SEROTONIN - The Real Stuff (long-lasting):
Creative practices (art, journaling, music)
Creative ways of resting (yes, that nap can count!)
Going to therapy
Real human connections (without the small talk)
Saying “no” when you need to
Moving your body in a way that feels good
Eating what your body actually needs
Real self-care isn’t about looking good—it’s about feeling good. It’s about investing in your mental and emotional well-being, not just your body.
When I was presenting at a dayhome conference, a mom and dayhome owner asked me, “What do you really mean by self-care?”
Here’s what I told her:
“You know when your kid is losing it, and you approach them with love and kindness? Or how you spend time researching the best ways to parent for their needs? Or how you meticulously respond to their sleep needs or plan their extracurriculars? It’s all of that, but DONE FOR YOU. For YOU.”
Now, before you roll your eyes and say, “Kayla, I can’t even find time to pee alone,” just hear me out. This isn’t about hours and hours of time away from your kids on an expensive hobby.
Self-care, as I define it, is responding to yourself in the same ways you respond to your kids - with love, patience, and attention to what you really need.
And maybe that’s part of the trick, right? Finding moments where you don’t have to perform, impress, or look a certain way.
Just you. Showing up however you can - even if it’s messy.
It doesn’t have to be perfect - it just has to be real.
Circling back to the big, festering question: How do I make peace with something that wasn’t really okay but was totally necessary and non-negotiable? Tiny, creative, mindful moments.
I’m talking about those fleeting sparks of joy that remind you you’re human - something more than the roles you play, the chaos of motherhood, or the crushing expectations of others. They’re little whispers that you’re still you.
And when you create, you’re not just filling your own cup - you’re modeling something powerful for your kids. You’re showing them it’s okay to prioritize joy, even when the holiday decorations are half-up, the kitchen looks like a war zone, and your husband’s schedule left you solo parenting from Christmas Eve to New Year’s Eve.
Honestly? It’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference. Maybe it’s a quick doodle in the corner of your notebook, a few scribbled thoughts in your journal before bed, or daring to poop without your phone (revolutionary, I know).
Or maybe it’s finding a creative way to be present with your kids, even in the middle of the chaos.
What matters is taking even the tiniest sliver of time to reconnect with yourself. Because when you’re grounded - when you feel whole - it creates a ripple effect. Everything else feels just a little bit easier.
And that’s what I want for you: ease, mama. Real, sustainable ease.
Creativity as a Coping Tool
(It's Not Just For Kids - It's Essential For Adults too)
A lot of moms come to me saying they want better coping tools. They know they need them, but getting to them feels like an uphill battle. You’re giving all day - emotionally, mentally, physically - and eventually, you’re running on empty, wondering why you’re yelling again.
Creativity is one of the best antidotes to the mom life frustrations and yelling.
It’s not just about what you’re creating, it’s about how it makes you feel.
I’ve been there: overwhelmed, frustrated, and unable to name what I needed. But when I pick up a pen or start doodling, it clicks. Creativity is the one thing that grounds me.
And you deserve that too.
So when you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted, pick up something - anything. Draw, paint, write, move, sing, dance - let the creativity flow.
You don’t need to be an artist to benefit from this. You just need to allow yourself to create.
Smashing the Barriers to Creativity
Now, I get it. The biggest roadblocks to creativity are time and guilt. But let me break it down:
Mom Guilt: Society loves to make women feel guilty for taking care of themselves. That’s BS and totally toxic. Start breaking free from that message. You deserve space, time, and permission to focus on you. Self-care isn’t selfish - it’s necessary. Your kids want a version of you that’s whole, not burnt out.
Not Enough Time: "I can’t even find 15 minutes!" I know, mama. But here’s the deal: if you’re spending more than 15 minutes a day on social media (the average is closer to two hours), you have time. Even 15 minutes can help. Protect that time like your sanity depends on it (because it does).
Trying to Be A "Good" Mom: If you’re stuck in cycles of researching, thinking and planning all the ways to be the “good” and “right” mom, that doesn’t leave room for you to exist. Let go of the perfectionism. Channel that energy into being kind to yourself.
One Way to Reclaim Your Creativity As a Mother
Find ONE small way to create something this week. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece - it could be doodling, moving your body, singing in the shower, whatever feels good.
But honor that urge.
And if you’re like, “I have no idea where to start,” remember, that’s what my Motherload Membership is all about. It’s a reminder that you’re not just a mom - you’re an artist, a dreamer, and a badass who deserves to have fun.
Motherhood is hard, but you don't have to lose yourself in it. Your creative spark is still there, waiting to be reignited. Creativity isn’t a luxury; it’s essential. So go ahead - pick up that pen, paintbrush, or whisk.
Your family will thank you, and trust me, so will you.
What’s inside The Motherload Membership?
Weekly Open Studio Hours: A live, virtual space for us to relax, create, and connect. It’s our time to unwind and be present with others who get it.
Quarterly Live Courses: Workshops where we work through the emotional, mental, and creative layers of motherhood—together.
Community Chat Spaces: A judgment-free zone to vent, share, and celebrate with other moms who understand what it feels like to be in the thick of it all.
Pre-Recorded Resources: A library of courses to explore whenever we need them, at our own pace.
1:1 Welcome Session: A private chat with me to help us set meaningful goals within the membership and ensure we're getting the most out of this space.
And to kick off February, we’re starting our first 📣 LIVE: Flip the Script
A Creative Guide to Shifting Our Inner Dialogue (For Moms Who Are Over the “Just Think Positive” Stuff)
Follow Kayla on her Instagram account @kayla.huszar for mom life reality and tips!
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This information is for educational purposes only. Kayla cannot provide personalized advice or recommendations for your unique situation or circumstances. Therefore, nothing on this page or website should replace therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. If you require such services, please consult with a medical or therapeutic provider to determine what's best for you. Kayla cannot be held responsible for your use of this website or its contents. Please never disregard or delay seeking medical or therapeutic treatment because of something you read or accessed through this website.
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