48. Mental Load, Lost Dinosaurs and Shoulding Yourself with Ashley Brichter (Fair Play Facilitator)
We lost a dinosaur almost a year ago and just found it squashed between the seats.
My kids were playing in the car and lifted up the third row. There it was, and an imprint where this dinosaur had been for months.
When searching for said dinosaur we emptied the car and took out all the mats, but didn't put the seats up. They put the seats up yesterday, and there's the green dinosaur we've been missing for months.
Let’s use this as a motherhood metaphor: Our core identities as moms are like the dinosaurs, stuck in the back, under the back row with the crumbs and crayons. But eventually, someone will lift up that seat, and we'll realize, 'I'm still here. Thanks for letting me out.'
If you were a dinosaur stuck between the seats, what kind of dinosaur would you be? How long have you been stuck there?Journal or create some art around that.
Motherhood is about finding yourself in the squished, and stuck places, held by the seats but unseen.
Beyond the dinosaur metaphor for motherhood, in this podcast for moms we tackle:
Reaching for the version of parenting that's on Instagram and TikTok is really harmful
All the shoulds might be preventing you from simply grieving what hard
Looking at your partner and saying ‘This is all your fault,’ it’s helpful and won’t create any kind of forward motion in dealing with the actual issue.
When you confront the guilt-inducing 'right ways' to parent you find freedom
Understanding the balance between chaos and order in motherhood, and embracing the GRAY
Social media is seductive and can skew our perceptions, leading us to romanticize our struggles rather than authentically address them.
Ashley introduces us to the 'Birth Smarter framework,' an invaluable tool for overcoming “shoulds” by considering
1) physiological truths,
2) societal context, and
3) one's personal circumstances.
And I share my own moments of mom burnout and marital tension, I expose the underbelly of trying to do it all and the freedom found in prioritizing presence over perfection.
This episode isn't just about the theory; it's packed with real takeaways that resonate with mothers fighting with their "to-do" lists and the relentless mental load.
Mama, you might find these interesting:
Download this free guide: 101 Ways to Be Chill Like a Mother
Follow Kayla on her Instagram account @kayla.huszar
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Ashley Brichter is an educator, speaker, consultant, and entrepreneur.
Despite her experience with hundreds of families as a doula and birth educator – like so many, her first birth did not “go as planned.” Better for it, she founded Birthsmarter in 2019, which provides unbiased, inclusive, and award-winning practical wisdom and guidance to the next generation of families. Ashley was born and raised in New York City, though she’s temporarily relocated to Salt Lake City, UT and is enjoying the mountains and Red Rocks of The West with her husband and two amazing kids. She is a Certified Fair Play Facilitator, and sits on the board of ProNatal Fitness.
Birthsmarter: www.birthsmarter.com
instagram.com/birthsmarter
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