32. No one told me it would be this way: Why matrescence helps make sense of motherhood with Katrina Court
For the mothers who may be hearing this word for the first time - Matrescence is the complete transformation and identity shift of a woman as she enters and moves through motherhood.
So, just as adolescence refers to the transition when we leave childhood and enter adulthood, matrescence refers to the transition from woman to mother. It's a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 70s, who incidentally also came up with the term doula. Still, unlike doula, matrescence was lost in the textbooks. So, while it was established 50 years ago, it has only become a more common language in the last 5 years.
So, what happens in matrescence?
When a woman goes through Matrescence, the mother experiences a complete change. From brain changes, hormonal flux, changes to body image, relationship and identity shifts, a more profound sense of spirituality and increased social activism - matrescence is the complete redesign of everything we've known.
In terms of those pin-pricks of unrest, you might feel:
Lost your 'old self' but not being sure of who you are now
Invisible and less valued now that you are "mom."
Guilty for wanting time away from your baby or for wanting to get back to a career
Like your relationship with your partner or friends or family feels awkward
Unexpected emotions that 'aren't allowed' as a good mum, like grief, anger, frustration or resentment.
Like you shouldn't spend money on yourself because you don't earn any (or as much) money now
So there are many ways that matrescence affects us, and while it's a universal experience – and also one that doesn't necessarily end – each of us will experience it differently.
Why do mothers need to know about this?
It re-centres the woman in the motherhood conversation.
So much of the modern motherhood conversation is about how to be a better parent and raise a happy, healthy kid, which is incredibly important. Still, it puts all of the energy and attention on the child. Matrescence turns some of that focus back on the mother, changing how we view and support mothers - beyond the first weeks and months postnatally. It allows us to see this is an important transition in a woman's life that will take time.It provides a language and framework to process our experience.
When we don't understand matrescence, we can find ourselves in a tug of war between the woman we were and the mother we want to (or think we should) be. And then often, women blame themselves – they think they are doing something wrong like they are the only one who is struggling, and then feel alone and ashamed. If all mothers knew this word, and if we normalized the bumps that come during matrescence, I think they would find it so much easier to be patient, kind, and compassionate to themselves.Matrescence is a way to validate a period in a woman's life that, up until now, has only been talked about through extremes.
Motherhood is blissful, or motherhood is hell. Interestingly, what Dr. Sacks describes in her TED Talk is that new mothers were frequently calling her asking if they had postpartum depression (PPD) because they were feeling exhausted, bored, resentful, ambivalent, or just not enjoying every minute of the motherhood experience as they thought they would. But what these women were experiencing wasn't PPD; these uncomfortable feelings are a standard part of matrescence.For many women, the early stages of motherhood are not magical; they might not be suffering from postpartum depression. So, understanding matrescence goes a long way to supporting a mother's mental well-being.
Mentionable's
Katrina Court is a transformative coach, Mama Rising™ Facilitator, mother and passionate matrescence advocate.
Having deeply struggled with her own transition into motherhood, her mission is to make mamas feel seen, validated and championed. She offers a blend of coaching and mentoring to women in the early years of matrescence who feel frustrated and depleted and want to do motherhood differently.
Katrina provides a space for these mamas to honour their matrescence and supports them to redefine success, reclaim their sense of power, and build a personalised toolbox so they feel equipped to start living a reimagined version of motherhood that works with them, not against them.
