thirty ways to thrive in postpartum
You’ve spent the better part of the last year growing bones and organs literally (isn’t that just crazy - you grew a human).
You’ve had many, many conversations about baby monitors, car seats, and strollers. You’ve researched breast pumps, how to effectively breastfeed and how to pack all the “right” things in your hospital bag.
You’ve decorated the nursery. You’ve read the birth books. You’re ready for the baby to arrive. You are so ready!
When your baby arrives you will find yourself bumbling through #thefourthtrimester.
The Fourth Trimester is those first three months postpartum, where your baby thrives in the safe environment you’ve created outside the womb. Your baby is going to be cold, everything is going to be too bright, and they are hungry (like all the time). Your baby needs to feel emotionally and physically safe, through your nurturing response, in order to develop a secure attachment. Your only job in those three months is to bond with your baby and embrace everything that comes your way.
But talking to as many moms as I have, one thing remains the same: it’s hard to let the domestic stuff be, while also caring for a baby. And most times your own rest is the last thing you “want” to do, but everything you need.
It’s hard to look past the clutter. The dishes. The new and oh so much laundry. The meals. The list goes on and on.
So, how can you cope with caring for your baby, the unpredictability, uncertainty and sleep deprivation?
here are some of my tried & true coping tips for new-moms:
Prep freezer meals before baby comes
Hire postpartum doulas
Research lactation consultants so that you have the support you need, before you need it
Keep up with your mental health - preschedule appointments with your therapist (YES the baby can come)
Join a moms group - research before baby comes so that you know which ones you want to check out
Seek out friends in the same “stage” as you
Talk with your partner about the role of grandparents and possible boundaries you need to set
Create a routine for yourself & baby
Strive for a FED is Best mindset
Stretch your shoulders (regardless of how you feed your baby) at least once/day
Prepare to sleep when the baby sleeps, this also means;
Adjusting your expectations AND;
Resting your body & mind even when you can’t “sleep”
Have a script prepared for when someone gives you advice from 1975 - “I appreciate your thoughts on this, but that’s not right for our family”
Invite someone come over to take the baby for a walk so that you can have some alone time
Let people help when they ask you “What do you need?”
The only answer you need, when people ask to help you or the baby is “YES”
Use the auto make function on your coffee pot - because coffee is an essential
Maintain your physical health by continuing to go to physio, chiropractor and massage therapy
Try not to get sucked into the social media black hole - this is a huge energy & time sucker (when you could do something much more enriching)
Give yourself permission to binge watch Netflix
Read actual books that bring you joy or are aligned with your parenting (not just online articles)
Reread your favourite books
Get outside and breathe fresh air at least once/day
Get your groceries delivered / buy online and pick up
Meditate in the quiet moments - it is said that 20 mins of meditation can equal an hour of sleep
Dance to your favourite music (did someone say bad 80’s music dance party?)
Keep daycare for your older children
This is a long list and it might be overwhelming to think about ALL of these things and you may even feel the urge to to do them ALL. BUT, mama, that is not the point.
The point is awareness of these things and the ability to create space for the stressful moments. Take care of yourself in those small windows of time and embrace that your life will look different, temporarily. Lean on those you love and talk about the hard things. You might feel like you are the only one going through this - but you are NOT! Every baby and every mom navigates these waters. Remember that other than growing and loving this baby from the time you peed on that stick - you are essentially strangers who need to get to know each other. The love and bonding will come - I assure you.
just in case you don’t believe me, let me drive the point home with some help from real moms.
if I could go back, I would change…
I would trust my gut, and see an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant immediately. If I get to have another baby, Kim Smith is gonna be one of the first people to meet them!
Ask for help. Seriously. Just. Ask.
ACCEPT HELP WHEN IT IS OFFERED TO YOU. Don’t try to take on everything by yourself. Parenting isn’t meant to be done in isolation from others.
In case no one has told you lately - YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE THE RIGHT MOTHER FOR YOUR BABY.
