Motherhood, Burnout, and the Real Reason You Keep Reaching for Your Phone
There are three universal truths about coping with motherhood:
You’ve survived 100% of your worst days. Even the ones that felt like they might actually take you out.
You’re always figuring out what you need—
And then, without fail, forgetting you already figured it out.
The Anxious Spiral You Might Know Too Well
Last week, I felt off. That frenetic, overstimulated, emotionally-worn-like-an-old-sweater kind of off.
(Frenetic: fast and energetic, or anxiety-driven activity. Don’t you just love this word? A client used it to describe her anxiety, and I instantly started using it in my vocab.)
The kids were loud. My partner was packing for another seven-day work stretch. My caseload that week: completely booked. And the bedtime dread? It loomed over me like one of those black skull levels in Candy Crush. And I had no booster packs.
By default, I picked up my phone. Normally, in these moments, I tell myself I’m looking for a solution—but if I’m being honest?
I’m looking to numb out. I’m looking to avoid feeling my feelings.
I’ll ogle over a new planner—because obviously, my stress is an organization problem.
I’ll chase down a podcast on nervous system regulation—because surely, more information is the answer.
I’ll briefly consider running away to live in the woods—which is always on the table, let’s be real.
Meanwhile, the things that I knew would actually bring me around—creating, moving, breathing, getting out of my own head and into my body—were sitting there, waiting for me to remember them.
Because here’s the thing about motherhood (and, honestly, just being a human in this overstimulating world):
✨ The sheer volume of things we’re expected to manage, remember, and do to stay sane is borderline comedic. ✨
And that’s before you even get to things like, you know, joy.
The Cycle That Keeps You Stuck
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re not failing.
This is just how the brain works when it’s overwhelmed.
Here’s the loop:
You feel stressed and overwhelmed.
You grab your phone, hoping for relief (or just a moment where no one needs anything from you).
You see something that pokes at a tender spot—maybe a perfect-looking family morning routine, a post about childhood attachment, or a hot take on something you thought you were handling fine.
And suddenly, it’s like Final Destination—you weren’t even thinking about this problem, but now it’s all you can see.
Your thoughts speed up, or maybe they go numb. Either way, you're spiraling—Shit. I should probably be worried about that, too.
You read, you research, you save really cool parenting scripts for later—but you don’t practice them.
Later comes, you still feel stressed, and wonder why you’re here again.
Sound familiar? This isn’t a motivation issue. This isn’t a willpower issue. It’s a stress cycle issue.
Scrolling Won’t Complete Your Stress Cycle—But Something Else Will
Are you drowning in life and using your phone to escape? Yeah, me too. F- it feels so good to just scroll for a bit and forget all the hard parts of the day.
I’m not about to tell you to throw your phone into the toilet. Because when you’re in full-body overwhelm, picking up your phone is the easiest, most accessible form of coping.
It’s right there. It takes zero effort. It lets you escape your reality, even if just for a minute.
Buuuuuuttttt—how do you actually feel after?
Because the research is sobering:
The average person spends over 6 hours per day on screens.
Doomscrolling past two hours? It’s been linked to more stress, more anxiety, and worse sleep.
Screen time keeps us stuck in a loop of passive coping—momentary distraction without true relief.
And if I told you that someone was drinking for hours a day to cope with stress, we’d all agree that’s a problem.
And here’s the thing about addiction (or really, any habit that becomes our go-to coping mechanism):
✨ The thing we do isn’t the problem—it’s the solution. ✨
The phone isn’t actually the problem.
It’s the escape.
It’s the thing that lets you step out of your reality for a second and breathe. And that’s not nothing. That matters.
Annnnd two things can be true:
The phone is a solution.
The drowning in motherhood—the overwhelm, the exhaustion, the feeling of needing an escape—doesn’t actually change if the pattern of reaching for the screen isn’t interrupted.
If your screen time isn’t how you actually want to spend your precious alone-time moments…
You don’t need shame. You need a better kind of escape. One that doesn’t just numb—but processes, releases, and restores.
Coping Isn’t Self-Care—It’s Completing the Stress Cycle
This isn’t about self-care. This isn’t about bubble baths or spa days.
This is about helping your nervous system actually process the stress instead of numbing your way through it.
That means: completing the stress cycle.
Maybe for you, that looks like:
Walking, running, swimming, or dancing.
“Physical activity—literally any movement of your body—is your first line of attack in the battle against burnout.” —Nagoski Sisters
Scream-crying a voice note to your best friend. (aka. positive social interaction)
Making something with your hands.
“Engaging in creative activities today leads to more energy, excitement, and enthusiasm tomorrow.” —Nagoski Sisters
Sitting on the floor and breathing.
“Breathe in for a slow count of five, hold for five, exhale for ten, and pause for five.” —Nagoski Sisters
Laughter.
Affection.
A big 'ol cry and a word vomit sesh in the journal you’ve been avoiding.
✨ Your coping tools aren’t missing. They’re just buried under the noise. ✨
“One thing we know for sure doesn’t work? Just telling yourself everything is okay. Completing the cycle isn’t an intellectual decision—it’s a physiological shift.” —Nagoski Sisters
Your Stress Cycle Is a Groundhog Day Loop—You Can Press Stop
The problem isn’t that you don’t know what to do.
It’s that in moments of stress, you forget—and default to what’s easiest.
It’s like listening to a song on repeat but only remembering one line.
Your body is screaming for relief, and you’re stuck in the same chorus, looping back to the start every single time.
But What If I Don’t Know What Works?
I can already hear the pushback—"Okay, but what if I actually don’t know what helps me? What if I don’t have good coping skills?"
And listen, I get it. The world is very good at making us feel like someone else’s ideas are better than ours.
But here’s what I know for sure: Every single person I’ve ever worked with, given the right conditions, has been able to come up with their own solutions.
You do know what you need.
Maybe not in a polished, Instagrammable way.
Maybe not in the moment you’re drowning.
Maybe not in words—but in felt experience.
But given the right space, the right support, the right permission to trust yourself—you do.
“You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” —Glinda, The Wizard of Oz
You don’t need someone to hand you a step-by-step plan.
You just need to tap your own red shoes together and realize you’ve had the answer all along.
So Here’s Your Permission Slip
You don’t need another strategy.
You don’t need more research.
You don’t need a whole new morning routine.
You just need to return to what already works.
But Wait… Am I About to Offer You Another Tool?
Yes. Yes, I am.
And I get the irony. “Kayla, you literally just told me I don’t need another thing.” Fair. But hear me out: this isn’t another tool you have to learn, master, or guilt yourself for not using.
It’s THE TOOL - a reset button for your brain when you inevitably forget what helps you.
✨ Think of it as The Easy Button. ✨
Because: Future-You is going to forget we had this conversation.
She’s going to have a stressful day, pick up her phone, and start Googling “why am I like this” again—only to get lost in another doomscroll spiral.
But this time? She’ll have a way out.
This 5 minute check-in will be right there for her—a gentle interruption before she falls headfirst into the spiral again.
Sources:
Nagoski, Emily; Nagoski, Amelia. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (p. 14). (Function). Kindle Edition.
Follow Kayla on her Instagram account @kayla.huszar for mom life reality and tips!
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This information is for educational purposes only. Kayla cannot provide personalized advice or recommendations for your unique situation or circumstances. Therefore, nothing on this page or website should replace therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. If you require such services, please consult with a medical or therapeutic provider to determine what's best for you. Kayla cannot be held responsible for your use of this website or its contents. Please never disregard or delay seeking medical or therapeutic treatment because of something you read or accessed through this website.
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