how to cope with mom rage
Mama, find yourself blowing up over seemingly minor annoyances?
Maybe it was the over flowing dishes, or the laundry pilled high in the corner, or that 500th question, or that extra long line when you finally got the nerve to go out to shop, OR maybe it was that red light when you were trying to get home with a crying baby in the backseat. If only your kids would listen. If only your partner would put the laundry away without being asked. If only your boss wasn't so demanding.
Or it maybe, just maybe it bubbles up out of nowhere - a friend calls to ask how you're doing and you end up yell/crying about #allthethings that are going wrong and "how could tomorrow be any better"?
This is a kind of overwhelming anger. Anger that feels so intense it feels like it can't be called just "anger”.
You know anger, you know how it feels - and this - it feels different.
Different like you can't stop it, it consumes you. It sneaks up on you and before you know it, you are exploding. AND if that wasn't enough, cue the shame spiral. You feel guilty for blowing up. You feel horrible for yelling at your kids. You feel gut-wrenched for reacting this way.
You've heard of the #iceburg metaphor, right? ANGER is the exposed part and beneath is SAD, RESENTMENT, GUILT, SHAME, LONELY, ETC.
Anger is how we express, because honestly sometimes it's easier to explode, than it is to cry. Sometimes it's easier to yell, then ask for what you need (did someone say #selfcare?). Sometimes it's easier to just shove it down.
But Kayla, I don't get angry, anger is scary, anger is uncomfortable, I can't admit that I'm angry at my kids.... I know for many anger in motherhood can be a touchy topic. I know, first hand, that there are many stories we tell ourselves about anger. What's EVEN worse is the many, many years of conditioning that leads us to believe that anger is bad, uncomfortable and unacceptable. ⠀⠀
I'm here to tell you that your anger is normal. You are a human, having human feelings. But maybe, just maybe you'd like to be able to constructively express it instead of explode.
four coping tools for mom rage:
1️⃣ FEET
When in the heat of the moment, go inside your body, take a deep breathe and focus on your feet.
2️⃣ JOURNAL
Later when you have time to process - journal out your feelings. You can start with "I am your anger... I need…"
3️⃣ NEEDS
Check in with your needs, have you been meeting them? Or have you been running on empty?
4️⃣ GET HELP
If your anger is a bit scary, intense or all consuming, consider reaching out for help. You are struggling right now. You're barley holding it all together. You've exploded a time or two (or ten) on your kids (and that you feel awful about it). You wish you had someone you could talk to about the intensity of your anger. You have landed on the right BLOG post - I help moms all around the world to move through their anger.
💥 TRIGGERS
Rage triggers can be things that, you know shouldn’t bother you, but still do. Triggers could be when your kids don’t listen, when you are running on low sleep, or when your partner calls to say they won't make it home for supper. Walking it back to figure out why your anger has bubbled up is KEY. It's not unusual for your anger to show up. Anger is completely normal, it's an emotion, just like the rest of them. But exploding doesn’t feel good and there are better ways to move through it.
mom rage meditation
Leave it all on the paper. After listening, reflect and journal on the following:
Write “I am your anger..... I need....”
👤 How does your body feel right now?
🤕 Where in your body are you holding stress and tension?
😠 Where are you holding your anger?
🟥 What colour/shape is your anger?
👌🏼 What colour or shape would shift that anger to a more constructive/healing/peaceful colour?
Grab a pen or pencil and draw your anger and shifting colour/shape.
I’d love to know how this landed for you, connect with me below in the comments.
💻 Enroll in Kayla’s Virtual MOM RAGE Workshop
Are you curious about how to move through and cope with anger? This is for you! You can access my online workshop anytime. Anger and rage have been the topic of many conversations I've had with my therapy clients over the years, and I have taken a special interest in moving mothers through thier anger. I have worked with 100s of mothers who have told me about their anger, so please know that you are not alone!
I invite you to explore your anger, where it’s living inside you and how to cope with it BECAUSE mama you deserve more joy in your life. I know you have questions... Want more info? Message me.
