How to fill your own cup as a millennial mom without the mom guilt
I'm about to show you exactly how to shut up that guilty mom voice.
Explore an art as therapy exercise on how we nourish and care for ourselves in motherhood.
In motherhood (especially motherhood in tough times) it is important for us to look at our capacity and our caring for self - not only in the way we physically care for our bodies, but in the way we speak to ourselves. The way we create stories, expectations, to do lists; to examine our capacity to navigate stressful situations and ability to be present.
Remember that even when you don't believe it, you have everything you need inside of you. Whatever your hard or stuck place, you've been through difficult things before, fostering more and more resilience. You have (or can access/outsource/delegate) the things that you need.
Our mind likes to play tricks on us, tell us stories. It makes up things we start to believe. Sometimes that belief is that we are not enough, that we’re not doing enough, we’re not coping enough, that we could be doing more.
Sometimes the answer is that we actually need to do less. We need to create more moments of stillness. We need to greet our fear and frustration and worry with curiosity in order for it to move through us.
A few weeks ago I asked on IG “what fills up your cup?” There were many answers and a lot of commonalities in the ways we know to best nourish ourselves.
social interaction
singing
bubble baths
long walks outside
giving back to ourselves first
In follow up conversations with these moms, it was observed that moms KNOW what they need but have trouble accessing and facilitating it (out of worry, fear, guilt, shame, expectations, narratives that no longer serve).
Right now, let’s take some time for self regulation, for art, and imagining; maybe visualizing something that's different from our current reality. This expressive art therapy exercise focuses on caring for ourselves and tuning into the capacity that we DO have.
It’s all about dropping into the idea of self, and how we nourish and care for ourselves (because when we care for ourselves we are better able to care for others - which is the whole point of motherhood isn’t it?).
What you’ll need to prepare:
Your space (quiet, comfortable, ideally alone)
Your art journal, pastels and pens
This expressive art experience goes like this:
Meditation
Art Journal Invitation
Journal Prompts
Filling Your Cup Meditation for Moms
Find a quiet headspace, we don't need to stop our thoughts, we don’t need to have a totally blank mind - noticing thoughts, allowing them through, not fixating or getting stuck. Be here in this moment.
Deep breaths, close eyes or soft gaze. Body check in - move our attention from head to toe, noticing the places where we feel stuck, scattered, distracted, tense or stressed. Go slowly and intentionally from head to toe the one time OR go quicker from head to toe several times. Notice the physical sensations of your body. This place in your body, this physical sensation, is it a colour or a shape? Maybe it presents as an image or a thing. Allow that to unfold in your mind's eye.
If you feel distracted, just bring yourself back to your breath, with compassion. No judgements.
Allow images/colours/shapes to come into your minds eye. Take a look at your capacity and your caring for self - not only in the (material outside of ourselves way) way we physically care for our body but in the way we speak to ourselves. The way we create stories, expectations, to do lists. Your capacity, your ability to navigate stressful situations, your ability to be present. Generally your whole being, if the metaphor was that you are a cup, vessel vase, your whole body. What would it look like? Are you a planted pot? Are you a jug with water in it? Are you one of those calm down glitter bottles that kids have?
Imagine your whole body is a cup or a vessel, imagine, really being real with yourself, how much of that vessel is empty? How much of that vessel is filled with liquid or soil or water?
Imagine that you could pour into yourself, with love and compassion, capacity, validation, empathy; imagine that you could push aside old stories or old thought patterns that no longer serve you. Just in this moment, imagine that you could pour into yourself the things you need; resources trust, intuition, wisdom.
And imagine that vessel filling up.
Even when you don't believe that you have everything you need ,inside of you already. Whatever your hard or stuck or difficult place, you've been through difficult things, before, you have or can get or access or outsource or delegate the things that you need.
Our mind likes to play tricks on us, tell us stories, makes up things we start to believe. Sometimes that belief is that were not enough, were not doing enough, were not coping enough, we could be doing more. Sometimes the answer is that we actually need to do less. We need to create more moments of stillness. We ned to greet out fear and frustration worry with a curiosity un order for it to move through us. Imagining all of the things places people activities that would fill your vessel. Simply asking yourself, what do I need?
Even when no answer comes, still fitting the patience the liminal space of the unknown.
Just sitting with your vessel being present with your body, trying to stay out of that overthinking mind. Staying with what is in your minds eye and your body for as long as you need. When you feel called, start wiggling fingers, toes, moving neck, dropping shoulders, slowly gently opening eyes and come back to the room.
Art Journal Invitation
Spend at least 15-20 minutes expressing what your vessel looks like, what you’d like it to look like, how empty it is, what you’d like to fill it with, whatever came to you during your visualization.
Journal Prompts
Give your art piece a title
Was there anything that caught your attention in this process?
What are you most curious about or most interested in?
What part of the process was difficult, emotional, or fun for you?
Is there a feeling that stands out for you when looking at your art? If so, describe. Do you experience this feeling as a sensation in your body? If so, where? Are there other feelings/sensations that you notice?
Describe what you are noticing in your body right now as you look at your image.
Describe this art piece in six words
Kayla’s Expressive Art Process
My vessel is a coffee cup shape, with pops of colour - things that fill me up. Sometimes I can lose sight of the things that bring me joy and only focus on the things that are hard and challenging, draining my energy.
One thing that went through my mind during this exercise was that I have not sat down with my art journal in weeks and I thought of all of the ways in the last couple months I've gotten really rigid in how I take care my myself. I drew the things that were pouring into my vessel, into me, the things I really enjoy doing. I always come back to creativity and journaling, colour and process. It’s all about making time for the things that bring me life - colour, vibrancy, play, pleasure, and fun. I know that for me and for lots of my clients, when we make more time for those things, it actually creates more space in our lives for the hard things.
We tell ourselves (as moms) that we can't make the space for play; that we don’t have time, or that other things should take priority. This is simply not true. And in fact, the more we can pour into ourselves, the more we can pour into others (aka the more patience, capacity and chill we have).
The things we need to pour into ourselves are fun and play, spontaneity and colour - whatever that looks like for you - it doesn't have to be grandiose. It can be really challenging to do this when things are uncertain and upside down, but it’s important to find a balance between what is necessary and what is choice/optional.
It really comes down to capacity, having patience and energy for the things that really matter. For me right now is my family and my kids, so I know I have to be super mindful about what I consume and also what I create/express/offload so that I can be present for them, and for my clients. So right now, I'm not doing anything that doesn't need to be done. I’m still really trying to make time for the things that bring me joy - any of those small, manageable, and doable things; I try to drop in to at least one of these joyful moments every day so that I can continue to carry on.
I hope you enjoyed this expressive art process! If you feel called to reply to this, I’d love to see the art you create, and hear about what it represents to you. What are some ways that you nourish yourself? What is feeling heavy in your world right now? Sometimes the heaviest parts of motherhood feel a bit lighter when shared.
If you’re feeling alone in the heavy parts, and want to feel support and make art in community, check out The Motherload.
